Zodiac Signs Zodiac Signs Funny Tumblr
The Signs As Vine Quotes
Aries: "What up, I'm Jared I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read"
Taurus: "Hi welcome to Chili's"
Gemini: "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH"
Cancer: "Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this."
Leo: "What the FUCK is up Kyle"
Virgo: "Look at all these chickens"
Libra: "CHRIS IS THAT A WEED"
Scorpio: "Next time you put a hand on me Imma fuckin rip your face off BITCH"
Sagittarius: "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"
Capricorn: "You better watch out, you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT"
Aquarius: "Welcome to bible study, we're all children of Jesus! Kumbaya, my lord!"
Pisces: "Suh dude"
gemini, leo, libra, sagittarius
Horrorscope
Find out the scariest moment of your life (that has yet to occur) based on your star sign!
Aries: Glowing lavender eyes blinking at you from the ceiling of your unlit bedroom.
Taurus: You wake up to the sound of someone breaking into your house in the middle of the night. You call the police, and in your voice they answer, "You are wrong. There is no one there. There is no one anywhere." You hang up and decide to make a run for it. On your way out, you crash into someone who looks exactly like you. "What are you doing in my house?" they scream. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in a window. You are not who you thought you were.
Gemini: An amorphous tentacled creature lurching toward you from the opposite end of a dark alleyway.
Cancer: Wickedly sharp claws attached to the had of a close friend. She swears it's just the latest trend. You swear this "trend" is drawing much more blood than it should.
Leo: There is a black hole in the bottom of your mug. It is small. It is strong. It is growing.
Virgo: A package has arrived on your doorstep. You didn't order anything. You open the box and your own eyes blink up at you.
Libra: A rustic mirror, perhaps hundreds of years old. You swear that your reflection is moving just a touch slower than you are…
Scorpio: You enjoy singing along to the radio.The radio enjoys singing with you. It has fallen in love with you and resolved to destroy anyone who may get in its way. Violently.
Sagittarius: A white, unmarked van. The man at the wheel offers you a wolfish grin and promises there's candy inside. You enter the van and it is, indeed, filled with candy, but every piece is filled with coconut. Even the lollipops. You scream.
Capricorn: A Tuesday. This particular Tuesday is accompanied by the realization that melancholia will eternally color your life. You are fine. You are fine. You are fine.
Aquarius: One day, while you are swimming, something brushes your leg. You don't see anything, but whatever it was chills you to your core for reasons you can't explain. You never do find out what it was, but you often wake up in a cold sweat from dreaming about it. You can almost see it… it's hungry…
Pisces: A train. Unmoving. But for some reason you can't explain, you are hurtling towards it rapidly.
Slightly weird things that the signs are probably really into
Aries: fake guages
Taurus: Spongebob
Gemini: playing a video game for 2 weeks straight and then never playing ever again
Cancer: funny hats
Leo: messaging random people online
Virgo: funky shirts
Libra: pretty shower curtains
Scorpio: going to concerts of people you've never heard of
Sagittarius: duck tape
Capricorn: buying things with change
Aquarius: not wearing a coat because it would ruin the outfit
Pisces: short pants
•Why people fall for you:
Aries: your honesty & adventurous side
Taurus: you're smart, hot & seductive
Gemini: you're NEVER boring. Ever
Cancer: your undying loyalty & love
Leo: you're sacrificial & very caring
Virgo: everything. You're amazing
Libra: you're so damn chill & fun
Scorpio: everything about you is perfect
Sagittarius: you're so savage but cute
Capricorn: you're not afraid of going after everything you want
Aquarius: stuck up & flirty yet adorable and innocend, lovable
Pisces: you have a pure soul and heart
the signs being pulled over by the cops 🚓
aries: *pulls handgun out of back right pocket* yOU GUYS IT'S THE ONLY WAY PLEASE JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS JUST ONE TIME
taurus: *deep sigh* wELp
gemini: *extends neck* do he got that gas money tho
cancer: *whispers* like a good neighbor…. state farm is there
leo: *slowly reaches for door handle*
virgo: *behind the steering wheel* fUcKing fUCK GODDAMMIT FUCKInG SHiT FUCKING GODDAMN WHY ME FUCK
libra: *the only one actively thinking of a way to bribe the cops*
scorpio: *also pulls gun from back pocket* (to aries) yEP SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN
sagittarius: fucKING FIX THIS VIRGO I CANT GO BACK TO JAIL
capricorn: *calmly* where did you get a gun?
aquarius: *rapidly struggling to hide the cocaine in his lap* man i sure brought a lot of sugar
pisces: *livestreaming on instagram* hey what's up yOU GUYS!!!! BOUT TO GET HASHTAG ARRESTED LIKE FOR LIKE FOLLOW FOR FOLLOW WISH ME LUCK
zodiac starter packs
(stock photo edition)
tag ur friends
The Signs as birb memes
Aries:
Taurus:
Gemini:
Cancer:
Leo:
Virgo:
Libra:
Scorpio:
Sagittarius:
Capricorn:
Aquarius:
Pisces:
Source: https://z0diacman1ac.tumblr.com/
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